Following are ten different ways of milking a chicken (AMUL and Chitale brothers are you listening?)
1.Hire a team of smart professionals from McKinsey and Goldman Sachs. Pay them xxxBillion $. Get some fancy diagrams, presentations, feel-good-sentences (where there is a will there is a glass of milk!) and long sessions in training room for the chickens.
2.Take updates from the chickens everyday. Ask them three questions : How much i tried to produce milk yesterday? Any problems? and how will i improve milk production tomorrow?
3.Announce "internal salary adjustments" for all the chickens. May be 1 and 2 % hikes will propel them to produce milk!
4.For national level chickens, appoint committees like Arjun Sen Gupta committe or Sri Krishna committe. Give committee chairmen a paid holiday of 10 years on producing a 3000 page long report on "how to milk a chicken" ( I am not part of this committee !). And later on discuss this report in Parliament for next 5 years with Empowered Group of Ministers meeting in Maurya Sheraton every now and then.
5.Or better, chickens which do not produce milk might have migrated from Bihar or UP! So drive them away as they are a stigma in the name of chicken!
6.Take the chicken in a closed meeting room. Ask the chicken "what are the proactive measures? What are the preventive actions?Do you need any help, support or guidance?" And any other management jargons u like.And keep on questioning the chicken till the time milk trickles down or it dies!
7.Or work on motivating chicken. Send the chicken to onsite
8.Or start an anonymous chicken satisfaction survey, where in all the chickens would put their problems which hinder them from producing milk. And later on form a panel of 10 people to discuss-dine-wine the results for next 10 months or so, till the next time of chicken satisfaction survey comes.
9. Hire a phoren returned highly-riduclously- paid manager and ask him to repeat every now and then " you can, you will and no excuses!" to the chickens. May be that would help!
10.Rope in Arundhati Roy and Medha Patkar for all the above injustice done to chickens and start Chicken Bachoo Andolan
May be by this time chickens would have got arms from Nepal and China and waged a war against India Inc and Indian govt :)
Any resemblance to any real character or place is just a coincidence
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4 comments:
There is lot of resemblances, thinking of mere coincidence....
The chicken , who are too talkative, exaggerative are "known" to produce more milk
some more:
1. The poultry farmers who cannot get chickens to produce milk even after trying the above methods should be considered incompetent. (Since its their job to make the chickens produce milk). So they should be given SHIT (Special High Intensity Training).
2. The poultry farm owners should make sure the farm managers receive all the SHIT they can handle.
3. Those who still cannot get the chickens productive should be put into DEEPSHIIT (Departmental Employee Evaluation Special High Intensity Trainings)
4. The farm manager whose chickens produce most milk should be promoted to BIGSHIT (Boss in general - Special High Intensity Training)
...and it is also noticed, when the chicken somehow starts giving milk. They are given appreciation certificate. But at the time of appraisal, they are reminded that it’s OK that you have giving milk... but we also expect you to give Eggs. So your performance isn’t that great!!!
Work hard… heard that CHATE CLASSES are good. May be you can write on that too :)
Too good :)
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