It has to be told. The full story. Of how this bug got inside of me.
Khushwant Singh once said there are three parts to a mans life. Public — which everyone associated with you knows like ur colleagues flat mates etc. private — which only ur best friend knows. And a secret — one which no one knows — except you. So this has been secret this long. Sukant you provoked me. So here it is.
Why I want to do this ? Just a kind of catharsis.
The earliest memory of mine that has something to do with supernatural was an episode with my eldest sister. She was the mommy in mommy’s abscence. A pseudo boss. She might be in class 1. And I not even in school. She had got a wonderful comics book with all picture and all which grabbed my attention. There was a gentleman in agony and deep pain, thin but with muscular cuts, beard and held onto a cross with nails driven through palms and legs and blood oozing and all. I was hell attracted to it. But she won’t give it. Lest I tear it like kids are wont to.
Then once playing she started recounting stories of how there was a great dude up above in the sky called God who was the most powerful thing in the world. I didn’t understand a shit but aroused my curiosity. How high in the sky? Was it higher than aeroplanes? A thing I could relate to since father used to work in Hindustan aeronautics limited. And it was the mightiest thing I have seen; he having taken me to a flight show where pilots show their on-air feats.
Well, she answered in affirmative. Dude was much higher in the sky. I stared up direct in the sky. Could not see much other than clouds.
But the image of Christ Crucified stayed with me for long. Then it was in class 2-3 that school enrolled me for bhagwat Gita reciting. Thanks to my rote learning abilities. Till then I had least Idea that it had anything to do with religion. Later a friend said he has subscribed to a postal comics which sends him stories for free. I was like what! So I too enrolled provindig my address etc. it was voice of prophecy —a bible course for kids. Missionaries are always creative—spreading their nets wide to catch gullible converts. Interesting stories of Genesis,Psalms etc of Kane and Abel, Jesus etc in full pictures. That was a great time. We were to answer few questions and they would send us some cartoon as prize. All so cool. I don’t know how it ended.
I was never enrolled with a madrasah for learning Quran. My mom and dad didn’t trust the maulvis if Maharashtra. They thought their diction was not as good as the maulvis in Kerala, who have better command in Arabic which I agree today. Though I was taught at home in Kerala during summer vacations.
Then came TV with Ramayan and Mahabharata. Oh I was damn thrilled to watch them. We used to live in company quarters a family of 8. Ground 4 appartments like small 1bhk for four families and upper story four apartments for another four families. All Maharashtrians, simple rural folks of Nashik. None had television except us. That too a color television. They would gather in our drawing room. All bathed. Fresh as mint. With tilak kunkum on forehead. Some would even prostrate as Ramanand Sagar epic gala started.
Slowly with opening of markets in 91 cable television made its entry. All were wonderstuck to know so much can happen to a humble television which till then was slightly better than radio.
Slowly as I graduated to class 8 came in plethora of Babas wit their satsangs. I loved them. Their stories, their wit, their meditation etc etc. I tried like a true Bhaka everything. I tried Morarji Bapu sudhanshu ji maharaj Asaram Bapu (ashamed to reveal — but as I said it has to be said !). Morning I would wake up in brahmamuhurta chant Omkaar. My mom and dad were so dumbfounded. But they never objected. I got sri yantra. Stuck it on my study wall. Would do traatak for hours.
All in all — I was high on spiritual weed. The yoga classes that I attended added to the madness. I turned vegetarian. That is when parents started objecting. But I was stubborn. So Two separate meals used to be cooked. One for others. One for me. Fortunately lure of meat was strong and good sense prevailed on me over the period of time.
Then came obsession with Brahmacharya. All because of that asshole aasaram Bapu. Scoundrel said wasting semens leads to weakness!! Believe it or not I believed that trash. I was at an impressionable age —just came of age. So someday’s the harmones got better of my controls. And that sunk me into more guilt.
Fortunately I carried on with occasional release of sperms — natural or artificial.And occasional guilt too.
Then came leaving home for engineering. And this time I found ISKCON. Or rather they found me. They were also like Christian missionaries in look out for gullible converts and I filled in their blanks. The major attraction was the free food a big respite from the insipid food served in Mess. No wonder they called it a mess. The orators drilled deep Gita into my brain. But by now I was smarter than earlier me. I started getting a feeling that something was not ok with them. In the sense they slowly started insisting on attendance at major conclaves at different places. I stopped it. Moreover engineering was sodomising me.
Still the bug did not leave me. I continued in my journey. And I stumbled upon Tej Gyan foundation. I only have words of praise for this organisation. It was headed by a man who was addressed by all else as Sir Shree. He was very deeply read. A calm quite man. Who taught me a lot on spiritual matters. I was deep into meditation etc. could meditate for hours also my childhood practice helped.
I also toyed with Osho for long. I even respect him. Great intellectual man. Widely read. Can talk endlessly on you-name-it philosopher of west or. East.
Then I got married. And I never went in that direction. 😆.
To be more precise it was a book : tell tale brain by v Ramcharan. This book by a famous neuro surgeaon was an eye opener for me. It said that spiritual experience is a trick of brain. A person seeking so is satisfied by our complex brain. 😆😆😆. Arun Shourie very recently penned a book on similar lines.
